MERRY CHRISTMAS to all. Our family had a lovely Christmas Day - both my kids were here ( my son with his wife), my brother and his wife also came. For the first time in a long time, we had it at my house. I realize how much fun that was for me (and a little stressful, of course), but it made decorating the house and preparing the table and menu much more important and fun. My husband and I did a lot of this together and it is helping us renew the feelings and times we had just the two of us before we had children. I didn't realize how hard it would be to stop having the worry about my childrens' lives at the intense level that it had been when they were growing up. Each day, with my husband's and their help, I am making progress. Finding that balance between being there for them as young adults and moving on more to my own personal life's goals is not easy for me. BUT, I am the kind of person that believes in personal growth and freedom with responsibility - existentialism. I do not Fly from Freedom. Freedom is the most precious gift we as human beings have. It may only be as simple as being free to change an attitude about something or as drastic as leaving old circumstances behind and experiencing new ones. Life is full of choices and alternatives. To be free is to embrace this truth and allow the confidence and fearlessness that it brings to continue to move forward despite some inevitable bad choices. The next fork in the road is just a few feet ahead every time. I guess this is my wish for everyone this holiday season - to embrace your own freedom and responsibility - to continue to explore and grow and never give up on the new opportunity or moment of happiness and joy to be found every day or around the next corner. I will picture my Dad and his joy at waking up each and every day - whistling a tune - confident to meet the new day's challenges.

SNOW DAY

Today the big snow machine in the sky is working double time. We got out of work at noon so that we could all make it home safely. My picture of apples and pears at my kitchen window is my choice of pic because it reminds me of summer when the sun was streaming in right there. It's kind of funny, but even though I am angry at the snow, the cold, the wet, the ice, the winter paraphenalia, I am a little more patient with it this year. Some of it has to do with making sure I have good supplies - a good car scraper, some warm boots, hat, coat and gloves and just taking it one day at a time. The only thing that happened lately that I want to mention was the death of a young lady from our community. She was only 28 years old and died of causes of which I did not find out. When it happened she was laying in her husband's arms. I know the husband too. Going to the calling hours was a sad but essential thing. I still feel very sad about it.

The tree lights are twinkling on Christmas Eve

All the presents are wrapped and ribboned and labeled

But the evening is strangely cold and quiet

Where there was laughter, there are sliding tears

Our favorite music softly lulling me with its poetry and harmony

I thought of the silver necklace selected with care

the books on philosophy, animals and how to make a pizza

She always knew how to make me smile - to forgive myself

I was never brave - she was the bravest of all - my darling - my love

The next thing I knew the daylight arrived - under the tree I had slept

Alone and grieving - an unexpected way to end such a promising start!

Goodbye, my darling - your angels called you home

The world without you is not one I own.

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A week before Christmas and sometimes there is sadness.

Sarah Palin and Christmas

My post has nothing to do with Sarah Palin, but just looking for attention. The Christmas season is upon us - the twinkly lights, the crowded malls, the Salvation Army bell ringers, the cold and nippy air, the dark days. It's all here and , as I do every year, start off with dread and doubt, the pall eventually lifts and I become one with the celebrating, shopping and baking masses. I do have a good excuse for being blue, however, since my parents both passed away a couple of years ago, my father in November and my mother 6 weeks later. Now my whole being seems to mourn when the holidays are coming around. I guess it's time for a new poem.

Twas 2 weeks before Christmas

I was shopping at the mall

I saw an older lady leaning wearily against a wall

She looked very sad and held her head low

Something about her - I just had to know

I slowly walked over and stood silently at her side

She raised her head up and turned her eyes to meet mine

Without a word, from my secret flask I poured her some wine

She beamed a knowing smile and yet a look of surprise

We clinked our stemmed glasses with tears in our eyes.

We stood there in silence sipping our sweet red

Looking at each other, nothing needed to be said

When our glasses were empty and the crowds had died down

I knew it was time for me to get back to town

We lingered and hugged with no notice of time

She embraced with a vigor of a woman in her prime

I packed up my things and threw her a wave

Knowing well in our lives, she and I would have to be brave